Fantasy Quotes
A page devoted to pompous and weighty aphorisms invented by me
On Theatre
“Graves are doubtless cold but a silent auditorium generates a chill exponential to the hopes of the dwindling performance”
On Genre
“When genre writing grows popular with the intelligentsia it dies as literature”
‘Hard Science Fiction is the realists’ attempt to give intelligence a good holiday.’
‘Horror is not a genre, it’s a tee shirt.’
‘Fantasy was once the deification of the aristocratic amateurs’ visions , now it is the defecation of the peasant professionals’ wet dreams’
On the Vicissitudes of Life
“No sight more afflicted by the twin pillars of bathos and pathos than a man with grease-blackened hands pushing a bicycle up a hill’
On Politics
“I do not wish to be powerful but merely hope not to be powerless”
“In the game of politics the die are more often cast than thrown”
“Few people invent a game that they intend to lose”
On Poetry
“Good poetry is an assemblage of colours, none blurred. Great poetry is an assemblage of colours all blurred”
On Madness
“The voice of reason is often followed by the execution of derangement”
‘In order to cure you therapists undermine your perception of the qualities of others. At once you are aggrandized but your reason for existence is diminished.’
‘Feigning madness is an exceptionally good method of gaining the front of the queue’
On Shelves
“It is an inexorable rule that a set of shelves will appear exactly alike until near the end of the job”
“On the eighth day in a fit of spastic boredom God created Ikea”
“Given that Ikea is full of clever ideas ask yourself if you have ever truly liked clever people”
“Having laid out the screws, bolts and connectors you will find their numbers are exactly correct. Unfortunately in the process a part of your brain will have died”
“To put up a shelf properly you need a minimum of competence, a screwdriver and an unparallelled deficit of the will to live”
“Ikea furniture is designed by clever people. Unfortunately I am a halfwit”
On Marriage
‘Few brides are genuinely upset if an anguished cry of ‘it should have been me’ disrupts the ceremony’
‘Best maids whose beauty outshines that of the bride are a rare if not unknown commodity’
‘Additional pleasure is gained from observation of the concentrated face of the bride as the best man’s speech provides her with a concise checklist for future argument’
All quotes copyright C. Herbertson.